http://www.scribd.com/doc/80344848/Finding-That-Place
The main point of my article "I just can't focus", is that everyone needs a place where they can efficiently write. I did this by sharing my experience of how I wrote basically my whole paper in my dorm, but when I analyzed my data in baker, I was much more efficient. My evidence is persuasive because everyone can relate to distraction and it made sense to be in a place where the atmosphere best fits them. My counterarguments need work. I think the relational aspect of my paper is well but i think that it needs to flow better and not be as much about my experience and more informational. I need to put sources into it but I had written half a paper about something else and realized at the last moment that this was the biggest point that i wanted to make so i need to spend more time putting in evidence. If you could please help my choppy sentences, and cut out things that you see as not important, it would be great help!
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ReplyDeleteThe main idea I got from your paper is to find that certain area to write so you won't be distracted. I liked how you incorporated a few personal experiences and I thought it was a good paper overall. There were a few grammatical errors that I wanted to point out so you could fix them before you turn in your final draft. My only suggestions would be to spell out some of your numbers, when regarding time, and maybe use another word, instead of "distracted" so much. I would also add a Kent Haruf quote or paraphrase some of his text to support the importance of finding that comfort zone. Other than those small problems, I thought your paper was well written in a sequential (step-by-step) process. Good job!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.scribd.com/doc/80614438/Moyle-s-Revised-Paper