Cameron's paper

http://www.scribd.com/doc/80608225/paper-2-by-Cameron

Cameron, I thought that you did a good job on your paper.  I like the way that you were conversational with the audience and explained your experiences. I think that the paper meets the criteria for what is required.  I think that you focused on a few different aspects and im not sure if it is supposed to be one or can be multiple. You used sources well and picked good things to put into the paper but you may want to introduce them a little better. The introduction may be more productive if switched around as I noted in the revised paper. I think that sometimes your thoughts were a little jumpy.  For each of your main topics, you may want to make a clear frame and stick to it. You may want to write more about the inner critic and the one draft writer more because it is small compared to talking about where you work and i cant tell if it is related or not. you may want to ask professor because I am not sure if is something he is looking for or not. All in all Cam, i think that you did a great job explaining and being conversational with the audience by putting your personal experiences into the paper. Good Job!